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Fake Astrologer

By Eric Burgoyne

Truly an innocent endeavor

my horoscope site spawned

by academic debt

myself the fawning fake mystic

selling ad space and private

readings online

I simply made it all up

using fast fashion sales skills

on the receptive to deception

protecting my anonymity

avoiding jams, pushing the scam

all without guilt

until a friend’s request arrived

in my Astro Reading Center queue

desperate that her marriage was dying

fortunately an easy one to handle

as I’d been her maid of honor

the year before

but last night I got the heaves

reading a new message in the queue

sent from an actual clairvoyant

accusing me of betraying

an ancient guild, using my real

name, revealing private thoughts

even describing my hidden mole

calling out my deceit and

insisting we must meet


Eric Burgoyne views himself as an outlier in the poetry world. At age 69, he recently completed an MA Creative Writing at Teesside University in Middlesbrough, England, and makes his home in rural Hawaii. When not writing poems, he spends time surfing, running, and motorcycling. His poems have appeared in a number of places, including Lothlorien Poetry Journal, The Dawntreader, Paddler Press, and others.


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